Complaining. Nobody likes it.Welcome to the second blog in my four-part series on taking full responsibility for what happens in your life. I’d like to start with a short story today, about a friend of mine who I attended junior college in Florida.He wasn’t rich, but his family didn’t struggle like some. While a nice guy, he gave off a little sense of entitlement, especially when he complained about his father not paying for his education. He grumbled about this all the time, to the point that I felt like I needed to discuss it with him because I saw things from a different perspective.

First, I mentioned his loans. He always bemoaned having to take out loans since his father didn’t set-up a college fund. You would have thought loans were poison the way he talked about them. I tried to make him understand that he should be grateful student loans were available. In some countries, there are too few universities and, even if you can get into one, student loans are not available, so you have to pay the tuition yourself.Second, I asked him to cut his father some slack. I told him he had a great dad and whatever the reason his dad had for not starting a college fund, he should be happy their relationship was good. Many people who never get to know their fathers and would give anything—including paying for an education—to get to know them. In spite of his frustration, my friend knew his dad did the best that he could with what was available to him at the time.Thankfully, he forgave his father and moved on. I didn’t hear a complaint about his loan situation again.

Stop Complaining

I’ve never done a survey, but when it comes to complaining, I have a feeling 80% of people who hear your grievance don’t care about your situation, and 20% are happy it’s you and not them.It’s easy to complain because it takes the responsibility off of your shoulders and puts it squarely on somebody or something else. My friend saw his situation as caused by his father, so he complained about him. Whether his father fully funded his education or not, it was still on my friend to get the education regardless of his circumstances.Think about the last time you were complaining about something. Weren’t you really just scapegoating, trying to play the victim in the situation somehow? It may have temporarily felt better to place the blame elsewhere, but did it change things? Were you better for having wasted energy complaining instead of being grateful for what you do have?

Start Forgiving

Once you stop complaining, the next step is to start forgiving. When my friend stopped complaining and let go of the negative feelings he had for his father, it improved his overall relationship with his dad.One of my favorite quotes about forgiveness is from Bernard Meltzer who was a popular radio show host.“When you forgive, you in no way change the past—but you sure do change the future.”Think about that for a moment. You were probably not exactly sure as a child where you’d be as an adult. Those dreams probably had aspects of being rich, famous or having a career that was far more exciting than what you do today. That’s OK. Dreams and aspirations are important, but many people blame others for why their dream lives don’t come true.Few of us ever realize our dreams, and those who do learn that no matter what, they will always be faced with problems in life. Rich or poor, failure or success, happy or depressed—none of us have things always go our way.The best thing you can do to cope with it is to stop complaining and start forgiving.