I've talked a little about absent fathers in this series, but not much about how men who aren't fathers can still function as mentors. I've also not talked about how disengaged fathers affect the lives of their daughters. So—I wanted to tie up a few loose ends in this last blog of the series.

Surrogate Fatherhood

The information I've shared so far has helped you reflect on what the word fatherhood really means and what it’s all about. However, one of the most important points I’d like to address before bringing the series to an end is how important it is to be a surrogate father. Some think it’s better to be related by blood. But if you’re unable to have kids or looking to grow your family or trying to mentor a child, this post is tailored specifically for you.

You Don’t Have to Be Related by Blood

One of the constants I’ve tried to communicate is the need for a father to be a positive role model in their children's lives. Unfortunately, there will always be children who, either by neglect or another circumstance, such as the death of their father, are left without the kind of guidance a father can provide.Any quality man can help serve as a role model. While it’s true they’ll never be a child's biological father, they can still impart wisdom and lead by example as a father would.Being shown what a real man is supposed to be is almost as important as being shown what a real father is supposed to be.If you’re wondering where to start, try contacting your local Big Brothers Big Sisters of America organization to learn how you can make a difference in a child’s life. If you’d like to find your local chapters, click on the name of the organization above.

Daughters Need Engaged Fathers

Throughout this series, I’ve emphasized the need for a father to be there for his son and to model proper behavior as a boy becomes a man. However, it’s important to note that a father needs to be there for his daughters, too.We hear people make jokes about women who have “daddy issues,” but behind every joke, there is some truth. Often, when a young girl doesn’t have a positive male role model in her life, she never learns what a quality man looks like or how one is supposed to act. This lack of awareness seems to come into play when she starts dating, often picking partners who are not quality men.

What The Research Shows

McKenna Myers, in her article, "Fatherless Daughters: How Growing Up Without a Dad Affects Women," says growing up without a dad may have several negative impacts on a woman.

• Fatherless daughters have self-esteem issues. This fact is especially true for daughters. Countless studies have shown that fatherlessness has an extremely negative impact on a young girl's self-esteem. A girl's confidence in her abilities and value as a human being can be significantly diminished if her father isn't there. Academically, personally, professionally, physically, socially, and romantically, a girl's self-esteem is reduced in every setting if she has never formed a healthy relationship with her father.

• Daughters with absent fathers struggle to build and maintain positive relationships. According to Pamela Thomas, author of Fatherless Daughters, women who grew up with absent dads find it difficult to form lasting relationships. After being rejected by their dad, they find it difficult to trust someone ever again. And it makes perfect sense. A father is considered by most women their first male love. Having their first love walk out on them at a young age makes it difficult to trust men again.

• Dadless daughters are more likely to become sexually active earlier. Multiple studies have shown that girls who come from a strong father-daughter bond are less likely to get pregnant as teens. They tend to delay engaging in sexual relationships and wait longer to get married and have children. Women who have absent or unstable paternal relationships are more likely to start having sex earlier and engage in risky sexual behaviors. They are also four times more likely to get pregnant as teens if a dad is not in the picture.

What The Facts Mean for Fathers

I’m mentioning these statistics not because I’m trying to scare you. I want to show you how important it is to be there for your children. And most importantly, you can care and be there for children even if they are not your biological kids.Guys, we need to teach our daughters that they never have to settle for second best. In a world where female empowerment is present more than ever, we have a responsibility to be the best fathers possible to the young women in our lives.

Recap

We’ve come to the end of this series, and if you have not read the other entries, I wanted to drive home the most important ideas regarding fatherhood one last time.

• Be there for them. You don’t have to be perfect. A child needs to feel loved and not neglected. Quite often, this can be achieved by simply spending time with them.

• Take responsibility for them. It’s a bit of a cliché, but if you’re going to engage in sexual activity with a woman, you need to be willing to take on the responsibility of being a father. Choosing whether or not to stick around is not an option and leaving is a cowardly move.

• Be aware they watch you. Children are very perceptive, and they watch your every move. How you interact with their mother, how you handle stressful situations, and how you provide for them is keenly observed.

• Make them feel safe. The world is a tough place, and your kids will learn that soon enough. It seems like some kids who experience that roughness more quickly have the hardest time in life. Childhood is not a time to feel unsafe. One of your duties as a father is to try and make your children feel like they are safe and cared for while they are young.

In my next series of blogs for May 2019, I’ll be tackling the important subject of mental health. I hope you’ll continue to read, and if you haven’t subscribed to get updates, please do, so you don’t miss anything.