“But I’m supposed to be doing this!”

Say what?

The only two things you have to do in life are die and pay taxes. Otherwise, everything is a choice, including your professional life.

Yet, when I have a new client, usually in our first consultation before they’ve even committed to using me as a catalyst for positive change, one of the first things I hear is that they are “supposed” to be doing the job they have now. They feel that since it’s their destiny, it is their fault that they are not happy.

I appreciate the ideas of destiny, predetermination and legacy. They have helped guide many people to great riches, fame and success. But I can almost guarantee you that the people who have found great riches, fame and success have done so after making the decision to forego other things and follow their passion.

The only thing I think that you’re “supposed” to do is live a high-quality life where you remain true and genuine to yourself. And I think it’s borderline tragic how many people in this world aren’t doing that. Why would you spend one day on this Earth not following your passion? That’s a wasted day, and we only get so many days. Don’t waste them.

I’ve told you my story of coaching, but I want to share a friend’s. He deals more with mental health instead of career transitions, but I think it shows just how much we listen to others and somehow deduce what we are “supposed” to be doing.

Larry is a decent writer. People told him that going back to 12 years old. He admits to not liking 

school and getting average grades despite the fact he knew he could do better if he tried. The only thing he got constant compliments on from teachers, friends and his family was that he wrote terrific stories. He didn’t hear that about anything else. His preteen brain deduced that if everybody agreed he was a good writer, then a writer he would be.

He was lucky enough to get a job at a newspaper at 17 years old and found his niche. But then he found that he loved to also be a graphic designer with newspaper pages. Fast-forward to his first managerial stint at 22 years old as the editor of the travel section of a newspaper and he thought he was on the path to being a top editor and publisher… and he was right.

At 34 years old, after many stops in the journalism world, he took a leap and launched his own magazine and it was an overnight success. Before long, every charity was at his door asking for free advertising, or for him to attend their event. Then, he started hosting and participating in many of these events. He started spending more of his time supporting the good causes of his advertisers than paying attention to what was happening at his job. His soul was telling him that it was more important he bring awareness and raise funds for the Special Olympics or spearhead a campaign to get funds for local teachers who wanted to try “out of the box” techniques they otherwise wouldn’t have money to attempt.

When the pandemic hit, his magazine went out of business. One of the first things he said was that he didn’t know what he was supposed to do because there were no jobs for 45-year-old journalists. I told him that it was only him who believed that, but he also never needed to write another word again. It was like a lightbulb went off. I’d never seen him happier. He took several courses in coaching and now has a steady group of clients he works with, mainly about trauma.

I talked to Larry yesterday and he said to me, “Arnel, I was wrong. This is what I was supposed to be doing.”

I told him that I could tell he was burnt out on running a publishing company for most of the last decade and he needed something to rejuvenate him.

He said that it wasn’t the drop-off of paid advertisers that affected him, but when every non-profit started to cancel their events because of the virus, there was no need for the advertising they once sought and he was very gracious in providing. His magazine no longer helped people the way it once did and since COVID destroyed volunteerism, he didn’t feel like he had a purpose.

He was never supposed to be a writer. He was supposed to use his skills as a writer to help other people. Building his magazine was the way to do that. When it wasn’t needed anymore, he felt no sense of purpose and soon after closed.

We had to cut our conversation short yesterday because he was meeting with a client who was dealing with trauma surrounding her family life when she was a teenager. I asked him if he missed the magazine and if that’s really what he was supposed to be doing.

“Nope,” he said. “This is it. Helping people. Maybe I won’t coach forever, but I know this is what I’m supposed to be doing. I was put here to help others in whatever form that it takes. It feels good to know what I’m supposed to be doing.”

I know what he means. Do you know what he means? 

If you’ve been considering talking to a career development coach but feel like you may be seen as a black sheep or stick out like a sore thumb, I promise you that you’re losing valuable time. There’s a proper track and a place for you out there. The real question is if you want it enough to talk to somebody like me who knows how to help.

But before you talk to me, prove it to yourself. Check out ArnelDuvet.com and take the career satisfaction quiz. Don’t tell yourself you’re just having yet another bad day. Maybe it’s time to consider making a change. Take this quiz and we’ll calculate your score and let you know if you’re satisfied where you are or if it’s time to follow your destiny.