Today’s topic is trust. Do you have enough self-confidence to trust yourself and others? How often do you discover that the qualities you find most detestable in others are the same qualities you don’t like about yourself. If it gets under your skin when one of your friends always has to top everybody else’s stories, you might be guilty of it, too.
Studies have shown that strong-willed individuals usually don’t mesh well with others, which you’ve probably witnessed. Have you noticed that it’s always easier to solve your friends’ problems rather than your own, even if they are the same problems; and doesn't that leave you feeling worse about your situation?
So, what does any of this have to do with self-confidence, self-worth, and trust?
The Truth About Trust
People with trust issues usually have low-self confidence and self-worth. What they often dislike in others they encounter comes from a place of insecurity. They need to find fault in people to feel good about themselves because they don't trust themselves and they don't trust in others either; so they don't look to others for strength when they need to.
Learning to Trust Yourself and Others
What’s the solution?
1. Look to literature and motivational speeches.
Consider this quote by motivational author Santosh Kalwar: “Trust yourself and you will start to trust others.”
As a further extension of Kalwar’s idea, silent movie actor Frank Crane once said: “You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough.”
2. Trust your instincts, thoughts and beliefs.
Despite any self-confidence issues, you must examine your thoughts before you’ll ever be able to learn to trust those same things in other people. This may not seem like a big deal compared to self-confidence or self-worth in your career and personal appearance, but there's an even more important argument to be made regarding social relationships.
3. Analyze social anxiety.
Morris Rosenberg and Timothy Owens have been two professionals on the forefront of research about self-worth and its effects on people. They have found that people with low self-worth are more likely to experience social anxiety and a lack confidence and trust in others. This manifests itself in feelings of awkwardness and shyness, resulting in an inability to communicate well with others. It also leads to pessimistic thoughts about other people and groups.
4. Read professional studies.
BT McWhirter proved the correlation between self-worth and trust in a 1997 study. Those who reported a lower than average self-worth were also found to trust others the least. Let that sink in for a moment. Until somebody with low self-worth is able to turn their attitude about themselves around, they will not have trust in others.
5. Examine personal relationships.
Have you ever seen a successful relationship where trust is not at the center? Do you have any issues with sharing your debit card PIN number with your partner? Would you give them your phone to look through at any time or share your computer, email and website passwords? If you’re afraid they’ll use the information against you, it shows you don’t trust them. If you have something to hide, it shows they shouldn’t trust you.
Avoid Distorting the Truth
The most important aspect to learning to trust yourself is to understand that people with low self-worth have a tendency to distort the truth to themselves, both consciously and subconsciously. This distortion can include catastrophizing and jumping to conclusions. Knowing things will end badly is not believing in yourself that they may turn out well. If you’ve decided somebody will not like you, you’re going to subconsciously put out a vibe. You’ve already decided your worth in their eyes before they've even met you.
It’s important to teach yourself to take a step back and let things play out naturally. Self-sabotage is huge in the lives of those with low self-worth and recognizing it before it happens is key to slaying that beast. You need to realize that what you feel may not be what is actually happening around you. Take that step back and process what is happening so you can get a realistic picture of what is occurring.
Climbing Out of Low-Worth
Trusting yourself probably sounds like a huge mountain to climb for someone with low self-worth, but if you’re going to learn to trust others, you need to begin that climb. The first thing you need is to understand you may be getting things wrong instinctively. That shouldn’t make you feel worse — it should be a relief. The people on the other side of the room who you think are talking about you — they’re not. Believe that. After all, as Ralph Waldo Emerson said:
“Self-trust is the first secret of success.”
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As a career coach, I can help you learn how to trust yourself and build your self-confidence and self-worth. Send me an email and we'll talk. I help others achieve success in all aspects of their lives, and I write about ways people can change their lives for the better.
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If you'd like catch up on information about building your self-confidence and self-worth, start with the first blog in this series, "Nurture Yourself: Building Confidence and Worth with Your Career." I also invite you to read all of my blogs, starting with the first one, "4 Ways to Make Monday Less Like ... Monday." You'll find they offer a variety of practical ways to achieve the kind of success and life you desire.