At one time or another, we've all participated in blaming others for our problems, mistakes, or situations.
But what if blaming is used as an excuse and becomes a habit?
Over the next several blogs, I’m going to tackle the following theme: Taking Full Responsibility for Your Life.
I believe, with all of my heart, almost everything that happens to us is well within our control, especially in adulthood. While making excuses and playing the blame game may feel like an instinctual way to avoid conflict, your life will be greatly improved by recognizing you are responsible for it.
First, I want to look at the concept of neither making excuses nor blaming others for your lot in life.
It’s easy, even as an adult, to play the blame game when you recognize your life didn’t turn out exactly the way you expected. If everybody’s life turned out exactly as planned, we’d have many more rich movie stars and athletes.
So many people blame an alcoholic father, abusive mother, or inappropriate uncle for how and where they’ve ended up. While they may have been the recipient of a rough childhood that they didn’t deserve, their choice was to either wallow in the misfortune of the past, or put it behind them and look to the future.
The same is true for you.
Successful, happy people learn to accept their past and move forward. They also learn to address, accept, and learn from their mistakes and failures every day. Owning up to mistakes and creating plans not to make the same ones twice is a cornerstone trait of successful people.
Owning Your Mistakes and Learning to Balance Responsibilities
When was the last time you failed at something? Was your natural reaction to figure out why you had failed or was it to find someone to place the blame on for your unsuccessful attempt?
A few years after I came to America, I found myself as a full-time college student who also had two full-time jobs. There were times that I would go more than 24 hours without sleep. I wanted an education, but as somebody who was not yet a citizen, I couldn’t get the kind of financial aid then that is be available to me now.
When I did start my education, there were times I would get a bad grade on a test. It would have been easy for me to throw up my hands and say that I couldn’t do any better because my situation was working against me.
I had no time to study.
English was not my first language.
The instructor didn’t like me.
I was too tired to do well.
Ultimately, the responsibility to pass my tests fell on my shoulders. If I didn’t study enough, it meant I needed to study better next time. If I was too tired, it meant I needed to figure out a way to get a little more sleep the night before a test. Instead of accepting failure, I recognized that success was a balancing act, and I needed to balance my requirements to work and get good grades.
It was up to me to make my life a success.
If something didn’t work out, I was to blame, not the obstacles I could have blamed for my failure.
I look back now and can honestly say I don’t know how I kept up with such a schedule. From what little sleep I had, I should have gotten sick, but I didn’t. Instead, I eventually learned the formula of balance, for success in my life, and it didn’t involve excuses or pointing fingers.
The Balance for Success Formula: PR = C + C
Personal Responsibility = Courage + Character.
Whenever I'm faced with the opportunity to take personal responsibility for my actions, my courage and character always help me make the right decision.
First, it takes courage to admit when you're wrong. It's easier to throw the blame at someone or something else instead of taking responsibility—and I've always taken pride as someone who has courage. Next, it takes character to admit when you're at fault. I believe that one's character is so important, it's the only thing not taken to the grave.
One's character is immortal.
Taking Responsibility Means A Happier Life
The late Jim Rohn was an amazing motivational speaker who mixed business with inspiration, and many of his quotes have served as guides for me. Among my favorite is this one.
“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself.”
I think the reason people aren’t willing to change themselves is that they believe it will be too be hard or they don’t know where to begin.
I suggest you stop blaming others and making excuses when things don’t go your way. Imagine how it will feel after you make a mistake or experience a failure to own it and grow with it.
Instead of carrying around the negativity that comes with blaming and excuses, you’ll feel a sense of energy and accomplishment fixing the things that went wrong. You’ll also experience the rush of success when you get things right the next time around.
By dumping that negativity, you’ll be a happier person, and you’ll notice that your happiness carries over into all aspects of your life. You’ll be a more fortunate, happier father, worker, daughter, or student.
Next time, we’ll take a look at forgiveness.