This weekend is Mother’s Day, so I thought it would be the perfect time to reflect on what it means to be a good mother in today’s day and age. Mothers are some of the hardest working people we will ever encounter. Not only do they carry their children for nine months and endure all the complications that come with it, but they also give us their love for many years.In my previous series on fatherhood, I mentioned that fathers are considered their daughters' first love. I also believe that mothers are considered their sons’ first love.
Mothers in My Life
Mother's Day is a wonderful time to celebrate the woman who brought you into this world. I want to start by paying tribute to my wife who’s doing a phenomenal job raising our two boys in the U.S. while I’m stationed in Japan. To be honest, I don’t know how she does it. She never gets tired, and she always gives 100% when it comes to our family. I know there are millions of mothers around the world doing similar things, and today, I want to salute them all. My mother is another hard working woman. I obviously wouldn’t be here without her. She sacrificed everything so my siblings and I could have a decent life. Being a mother is hard enough, but raising a child in a third world country is not fun at all. It would take multiple blogs to explain the difficulties of raising a child in a third world country.
Mothers and Motherhood in The United States
You know I like to get to the truth through hard data, so let’s take a quick look at the state of motherhood in the United States in 2019. The following statistics are from the Pew Research Center.
About 1 in 4 mothers overall are raising their children on their own. This range varies greatly depending on ethnicity, with 56% of black, 26% of Hispanic, 17% of white, and 9% of Asian mothers going solo.
Mothers are working more than ever. In 2016, factoring in all mothers (including those who did not work), the average mom spent 25 hours at a paid job as compared to 9 hours in 1965.
Of all mothers, 7 in 10 who have children under the age of 18 have a part- or full-time job. Even in families with fathers, the mother is the primary source of income in 4 out of 10 of them.
Fifty-three percent of mothers say they spend about the right amount of time with their children, while 35% say they spend too little because of other responsibilities.
Based on these statistics, it’s easy to conclude that it’s harder to be a mother today than it ever has been. The demands of raising a child and earning an income have never been more taxing on mothers.
Managing Motherhood in 2019
What can you do as a mother to make life a little easier and more fulfilling? Here are a few ideas that can lift a little bit of the burden and hopefully make you an overall happier mother and person.
1. Self-care is crucially important.
As a mother, the burden of everybody else’s needs in a household (including the father’s) often falls on you. This continual self-sacrificing behavior is a recipe for quick burnout. Although this blog is a diversion from our mental health topics for this month, the concept still applies: as mothers you can strengthen and maintain your emotional health by taking some "me" time just to relax.Whether you get your nails done every few weeks, go out for coffee with friends, or find 20 minutes a day to curl up with a good book, make sure you take time for yourself.
2. Develop confidence.
It only takes a few minutes with a member of the opposite sex to create a baby, but it takes a lifetime figuring out how to raise one.Don’t beat yourself up about potentially getting things wrong, especially with your first child. Experts say it’s far more important to present a confident front and not question your decisions in front of your children.
3. Be a mother, not a friend.
Of course, you hope that your child likes you, but your job is not to develop a best friend. You can still be friendly, but kids need rules and direction. They’ll make plenty of other friends along the way. For you—just be their mother. Be firm, but be fair. Your children will always love you, and they will certainly celebrate you on Mother's Day.
4. Be the model.
Your children look to you for how to behave, especially when they're young. If you don’t want your kids to smoke, it’s not enough to tell them to avoid it. You need to not smoke yourself. If you’re looking to raise a kind child who helps others, the best way to do it is to model that behavior. In other words, practice what you preach.
5. Be yourself
As a mother, you might compare yourself to other mothers, thinking they are doing a better job than you. Relax. Do the best you can. Believe me, you’re doing just fine.I was looking at a Facebook post the other day, and a mother posted a video of either a nine or 12 month old reading numbers and a few letters from flash cards. This activity didn’t interest me much, so I went straight to the comments section. You would not believe how many moms were quick to blame themselves because their three-year-old couldn't read letters yet.While I congratulate the mom for teaching her child such an important skill, I also want to tell the other moms to just relax. Your child will be fine. Don’t be so quick to judge your work as a parent.
6. Don't be afraid to ask.
Let’s say your child is still in diapers at the age of four. Well, guess what? When he/she walks down the aisle 30 years later, their diapers will be long gone—and no one will know their secret. It will be one of the stories you tell your grandchildren years later. However, if for some reason you think you need help in certain areas of motherhood, don’t be afraid to ask. Plenty of women have had the same insecurities you have and can offer advice based on their experience.
Motherly is a website where you can find useful support. Start with the article, "Find your tribe: 10 mom groups that are totally amazing," to find a group specific to your needs.
If you don't find a group on this website, think about starting your own with mothers in your area. Whatever you do, please know you are doing well.
Recap
This week, we are reminded of the importance and difficulty of motherhood as a way to remember to celebrate mothers for all they have done and continue to do.So—Happy Mothers Day!May all you mothers out there have a day filled with love and continue to be blessed by the love of your children throughout your lives.Next week, we will go back to our series on mental health. We will examine how important it is to seek help, and the variety of help that is available for those who are struggling. It should be a very interesting post. I’m looking forward to it, and so should you.If you'd like to review last week's blog, click on the title here: "Mental Health: The Truth Behind Stigmas."