Peer pressure is a problem that, with the stunning rise of social media, only seems to be getting worse. When you think of the term “peer pressure,” it probably evokes pictures of teenagers goaded into bad behavior by their friends. In reality, however, poor conduct sticks with many people throughout their lives and changes into more of an internal sensation that becomes a destructive habit. The identity gap, then, is where the bad habits get stuck and the reason we put pressure on ourselves to remain in lockstep with our peers.Why do we do this?
Five Reasons for Peer Pressure
People give in to peer pressure for many reasons, but the following five are the most common.
1. Adopt an Identity
When people belong to a group, they feel a sense of belonging and security that reduces their inner anxiety. If they identify with the other people in the group, they can more easily define and assign worth to themselves.
2. Lack of Confidence
For people unsure of themselves and their decision-making capabilities, it’s easier to depend on a group to help shape their lives. If a group thinks they're doing things correctly, it makes taking a stand easier.
3. Desire to Feel Accepted
Some people love to be alone, and others find it the hardest thing in the world. For those who feel like an outcast when they go solo, finding and becoming a part of a group is essential to their self-worth.
4. Remain in the Group
The anxiety of being ostracized by a group can force people into making decisions that oppose their authentic selves. They believe if they do something contrary to the group, they will no longer be a part of it.
5. Loss of Choice
While not common, some people may feel like the group, or someone in it, has something to hold over them. If they don’t go along with the group, they will not only be ostracized, but whatever is being held against them will become public. It’s a particularly insidious form of blackmail.
How to Overcome Peer Pressure
If you fall into one or more of the categories listed in the previous section, try some of the ideas below. They will help you become more like the person you want to be and less like the person you think the group wants?
Learn to Say No.
This is much easier said than done, but you’ve got to learn how to disagree. Start with the small stuff. Have a different drink than the group at lunch; decline an invitation to an activity if it doesn’t interest you. If people in your group are genuinely your friends, they’ll have a far easier time accepting it when you say no than you think.
Reevaluate Your Friends.
If you try to say no and are met with a negative reaction, think about how much you want these people to be your friends. If you don’t share the same interests and beliefs, why are you in the group in the first place? Real friends appreciate your unique perspective and individuality.
You’re in Control.
Remind yourself that every day you live under someone else’s thumb is another day you are giving that person or group your free will. You get one life to live, and it shouldn’t be attempting to adhere to values and opinions that are not your own. You can be the person you want to be. Despite an adjustment period from leaving your group, you’ll end up happier and more fulfilled in the long run.
Seek Positive Peer Pressure.
Real friends will lean on you to do the right thing or to have the strength to take on a tough challenge. If you decided you wanted to go back to school to be a doctor, would your friends discourage you or would they be by your side pushing you along? Being nudged by your friends isn’t a bad thing as long as they are nudging you in the right direction.
We are, by nature, social creatures. We want to be part of a group and want to belong, but like two snowflakes, no two people are exactly alike. You can either try to be a copy of someone else in a group, or you can be the person you are meant to be and appreciate both the similarities and differences existing in the people around you. You should expect nothing less of yourself.To get an idea of how insidious peer pressure is to self-identity, visit one of more of the links below:
The American Academy of Child and Adolsecent Psychiatry. "Peer Pressure"
NOVA Recovery Center. "Peer Pressure and Drug Abuse: How Strong is the Link"
National Center for Biotechnology Information, U.S. National Library of Medicine. "Positive Peer Support or Negative Peer Influence? The Role of Peers among Adolescents in Recovery High Schools"
Sylvia Brafman Mental Health Center: "How to Deal with Peer Pressure As an Adult"
Recap
Next week's blog is about how to narrow the identity gap. If you have missed the first three blogs in this series, I invite you to start here: "Understanding Your Identity Gap." See you next week.